Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
