like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it hurts more in the daytime
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
