Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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