are you still at the devil's house?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
