Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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