Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
