I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
