Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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