I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We got so high we made milksteak
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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