I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
