Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
