He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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