You smell like a Billy Joel song
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
