1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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