WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
