i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
