I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
