Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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