Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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