I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
