Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
