it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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