Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
