my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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