Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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