I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
