Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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