RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
