I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
