oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
