They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
