Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
