do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
