i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
