It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Congratulations! We have a period
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
