i don't like sucking hair
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
