i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
