can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
