And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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