i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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