Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
