somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
