i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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