you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Randomize
