I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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