I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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