When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
