the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
