i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
