We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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