He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
